Having lived in and among Japan and its quirky inhabitants for a couple of decades longer than is advisable for one’s mental health, I have come to the conclusion that if there are indeed reptilian shape-shifters hiding among us, Japan is lizard central.

Absurd, you say? Impossible? Read on…

If you live in Japan for at least a year, you will come to the realization that Japanese people are woefully unsuited for the climate of their native isles. The heat and humidity of summer is a source of constant complaints, much fan waving and irritatingly obvious declarations of “it’s hot!” every few minutes. Yet, if you look closely, few people are actually sweating. The lady doth protest too much, methinks!

And the only thing Japanese hate worse in summer than the heat is air conditioning. They complain when it is on and when it is off. And in a land where it rains practically every other day, everyone hates the rain, too. They run like acid is falling from the sky at the first sign of a light sprinkle. It’s as if they still aren’t used to the weather in their own homeland. Maybe they come from some other home…or another dimension?!

Japan, or Nippon, means “sun origin,” so the Japanese people are the “sun origin people.” However, in the Land of the Rising Sun, the people whose origin is the sun appear to hate the sun even more than the rain. You will see people using all kinds of goofy products in an attempt to shield their human-like Japanese skin from the sun. Perhaps to avoid Disseminated Superficial Actinic Porokeratosis (DSAP), a skin condition that causes red or brown lizard-like scales on the legs and forearms?

Who needs Sharia Law when you have one of these?

Someone in Japan needs to invent the long-sleeved shirt

During the other three seasons of the year, Japanese people are cold. Even on a cool, comfortable, breezy fall day, when the warm sun is out and the humidity has finally fallen below lethal levels making it is possible to breathe again, people will still complain about how cold it is. For Japanese people, there is only hot and cold, and no comfortable in between. They complain when it is raining and they hate when it is sunny.

Similar to other lizards, 99% of Japanese women are constipated and suffer from chronically cold feet. Japanese men wear wool caps, jeans and three shirts on days when temperatures are well above 85 degrees. The room temperature in most homes and buildings is warm enough to par bake French loaves. The Japanese seem to have a strong aversion to fresh air, as they prefer to shut all the doors and windows and close themselves up in dark, burrow-like environments. It’s almost as if they have no way of regulating their body temperature.

You know what else cannot regulate its body temperature? Reptiles.

Proof of reptilian origins?

But Japanese people are not merely cold in the physical sense. Spending any time at all in the jam-packed monstrosity of human despair that is Tokyo, you will quickly notice how emotionally cold Japanese people can be. This is evident in the way Japanese engage in overt and shameless staring—at anything and everything—but in particular, in inappropriate ways that in Western countries would be considered, rude, uncomfortable and even confrontational. Japanese people stare at you like they are invisible. And when someone needs help, most people just stare and walk on by. If a stranger suddenly asks another stranger a question, like “where is the nearest train station?” many people tend to recoil in horror.

Well, this makes perfect sense: Reptilians are terrified of humans.

It is because reptilians are afraid of humans that they hide from us while attempting to control us. Despite the impression that Japanese society is organized and efficient, in truth it is highly archaic, convoluted and wholly lacking in what Western people would consider to be “common sense.” In fact, every aspect of Japanese life is highly institutionalized, forming an ironclad social control matrix (facilitating reptilian mind control) that convinces people to deny the self, acquiesce individual power and resign oneself to fate.

Cold eyes stare out blankly from behind antisocial masks

In Japan people lie. But they don’t call it lying. Rather, they distinguish between honne, the true feelings you hide inside, and tatemae, deceptive words and actions that hide your true feelings. And deception is the key word that describes the reptilians. A common way they deceive is through inversion. For example, a Japanese person might compliment your Japanese language abilities precisely because your Japanese is so horrible. You might ask a girl out on a date, and she will say yes, but only because she means no and has zero intention of ever going out with you. The Japanese smile is the most deceptive of all. Nowhere else in the world do people smile when they actually mean “fuck you.”

To achieve their deception, reptilians create fake reality. This is why the Japanese are so famous for their anime (cartoons) and manga (comic books), which are merely vehicles for distorting reality. How else can you explain Sekkou Boys, an anime program about a boyband consisting of famous marble busts, managed by a girl that absolutely hates statues due to art school trauma? Or Comet Lucifer, which features a stupid anal beads snake that turns into a useless mecha, a pedo hacker, dancing vegetables and a bread shotgun, where an MC falls in love with a rock and the female lead is forced to marry a guy she hates. Look it up, these are real shows folks.

What happens when DSAP goes untreated

Despite all this, reptilians have a notable weakness: no creativity. Reptilians must copy, mimic and piggy back off human creativity. This is what Japan did to America—they copied our radios and TVs, but made them smaller. They copied our cars and motorcycles, but made them smaller, too. The Japanese don’t innovate, they miniaturize. Some of the most iconic items in Japanese culture are actually not from Japan at all. For example: karaoke, tempura, sumo and porn, which are best enjoyed separately, in my experience.

And look at Japan’s classic heroes. In America we have Superman. In India they have Krishna. In Japan? Godzilla and Gamera. A pair only reptilians could love! What more evidence do you need?