I guess it was the forceful persuasiveness of the Left that finally changed my mind. And by forceful persuasiveness, I mean angry screaming and violent protesting. You can only hear yourself called a racist, homophobic, xenophobic, hate-filled Nazi so many times before you think “well, I suppose they’re right.”

I admit, in the past I tended to ignore and avoid angry mobs screaming profanities at me and threatening me with physical violence. Not really my thing. But that was before I became aware of my White Privilege. Now that I realize that I am the oppressor, I feel a deep sense of guilt when think how my simply being a cisgender White male must fill the hearts of those Black Lives Matters folks with terror. I honestly never meant to intimidate anyone.

If nothing else, the Left has taught me that you can calmly and rationally argue your points, supported by facts and evidence, until you are blue in the face. But at the end of the day, insults and violence are what turn enemies into allies. I have been convinced!

As a privileged White male, I have no idea what it feels like to be a minority, but former Vice President Joe Biden tells us that, soon, Whites will be an absolute minority in the United States—and that is a good thing.

The Left is always talking about how the future is female, and how much better things will be when White males are no longer running the show. I am looking forward to the day when, as a minority, I finally get to blame all my problems on someone else. All my bad decisions, poor life choices and lack of effort will no longer be my responsibility, and I will never be held accountable for my actions. I think this is what Joe Biden means by “a good thing.”

Given the pressures, expectations and responsibilities of being the majority in a country like the United States, I’m not sure why minorities would be so eager to ditch their perpetual victim status for a leading role. However, I am sure the new majority will be willing to take the heat when things don’t go right. After all, the Left tells us it’s not possible for a minority group to be racist or responsible for, say, the majority of violent crimes, rapes and murders in a diverse and egalitarian society.

The Left has convinced me that equality is the most important principle in our society today. Everyone has to be exactly equal, as nature intended. So, when a Black student gets into Harvard because of the color of his skin rather than his academic ability, then finds that he is unable to keep up with the coursework, there is only one solution: Lower the bar! Dumb down the curriculum so that Blacks are able to achieve the same grades as Whites, Asians and other students who entered Harvard on merit (a.k.a. unearned privilege and racism).

In the current year, equality means that White people have to give up what they have worked for and earned, otherwise it would not be fair to non-White people who haven’t bothered to work for anything (I mean, the U.S. is so racist, why even bother trying, right?). Basically, White people must give up their wealth, possessions and social capital—even their lives—so that minorities can be equal. Seems a small price to pay for the Utopia the Left promises awaits us all.

According to my new friends on the Left, diversity is the way we achieve equality. Diversity is our greatest strength! Everybody knows that, right? Like when you build a house, if you make one wall with glass, one with wood, one with thatch and one with concrete, it makes a stronger house than if you simply used one kind of material. Plus, it looks really cool. Similarly, your car handles better if you have a snow tire, an off-road tire, a standard tire and a plastic emergency tire on it, rather than a set of four tires that are all the same. Diversity makes everything doubleplusgood!

When we look at a classroom and someone says “my, how diverse!” what they are really saying is that there are only a few White students. So diversity really means getting rid of the White people. Clearly, getting rid of the White people makes society stronger—and better. I really have to admire the dedication of those social justice warriors who are White and aggressively advocate for their relegation to minority status. That takes real dedication. But you can never really do enough to prove you aren’t a racist, am I right?

Among Leftists, one group has influenced my thinking on these matters more than any other. They are behind every passionate SJW, aggressive BLM protest and vitriolic feminist diatribe. They are the leaders in promoting equality and diversity, the main drivers of mass immigration, the voice of poor downtrodden minorities and the masterminds behind every slogan, meme and mainstream media story aimed at convincing us White people that we are the cancer of human history.

I am speaking, of course, about my dear friends, the Jews.

If nothing else, Jews know oppression. They know what it feels like to be a refugee, an outsider, someone who is not treated equally. They are history’s most famous victims. Their moral superiority was elevated to stratospheric heights because of WWII. The rationale, which makes perfect sense if you don’t think about it, goes something like this: If Adolf Hitler and the Third Reich were the ultimate personification of evil on planet Earth, then the object of their bloodthirsty endeavors must, by definition, have been the most pure, good and wonderful people that have ever wandered the Earth. And, as they love to remind us, they are God’s chosen people. If that doesn’t give you the right to claim superiority, I don’t know what.

They also like to point out that, although the Germans “did” the Holocaust, this behavior is not an anomaly unique to the German people. Rather, it is a feature of the White race as a whole. Thus, we genocidal Whites cannot be trusted, nor even allowed to exist. Given the opportunity, we will surely attempt another Shoah.

Our Jewish friends incessantly preach the benefits and advantages of diversity and equality. Nevertheless, some naysayers like to point out that Israel has not accepted any immigrants from nearby countries like Syria, Yemen and Iraq. Others say the Jews do not treat the Palestinians as equals. Still others note that Jews discourage Jews from marrying non-Jews. But these are not criticisms. They are facts that demonstrate the selflessness of our kosher comrades: they just want to share as much diversity and equality as they can, even if it means there is not enough left over for themselves. Like when you give the last piece of your favorite gum to a friend, just because you are a good guy. Our Jewish friends just want us to be good goys, too.

Now that I have got my mind right, I am going to start denigrating my race in public, shouting down anyone who disagrees with me, arguing against my own interests and using the word “literally” a whole lot more. I am going to virtual signal so hard even a blind man will be able to tell how woke I am. From here on out, it’s all about muh feelz. Fuck White people!