Of all the lousy fakes and phonies that crap all over our precious mindspace on a daily basis, Stefani Germanotta certainly deserves top billing.

Also known as Lady Gaga, Germanotta is possibly the most cynical and contrived chunk of fecal matter ever shat out of America’s shallow bung hole. This is a fact self-evident to every thinking person on the planet, a sadly small majority of people who don’t thrill and gush at shallow posturing and endless costume changes. I give anyone under the age of 15 an exemption, since ignorance is one of the things that makes youth so pleasant. But anyone over 16 who has ever used words like “genius” or “brilliant” to describe this shameless huckster should be made to wear special hats so we can mock and/or avoid them.

Germanotta grew up in a comfortable middle class home, which she left to become a drug-addled stripper. But this was part of a bigger plan, a temporary slumming that was intended to establish her street cred. She then created a look based on what appears to be a careful study of the most superficial and absurd of Japanese teenage girls. Why Japan? Because everyone with a product to sell knows that if you can generate a hit in Japan, even just once, you will be rich for the rest of your life. Japan is the most consumption-obsessed society on the planet (sorry America, you aren’t number one in this category, either).

After the March 2011 earthquake and tsunami in Japan, as other international pop stars and celebrities were cancelling their tours in Japan over concerns about the Fukushima crisis, she purposely went to Japan to show her support for the victims of the disaster and assure everyone the country was safe to visit. She created a “Pray for Japan” bracelet and donated a portion of the proceeds to disaster recovery efforts. She performed in an MTV-sponsored concert, ostensibly intended to help people, although I challenge anyone to demonstrate how prancing around on stage in a ridiculous getup could help anything other than the bottom line of the prancer in question.

Seeing how carefully Germanotta has cultivated her look and persona to serve her own self-interests and maximize profits, it is highly unlikely she lacked the intelligence to understand the very real threat posed by the triple meltdown at Fukushima Dai-Ichi. Not only did she exploit the emotions of a devastated Japanese populace for her own gain, she gave her mouth-breathing fans around the world a false sense of safety regarding the grave situation in Fukushima. A Japanese reporter asked “Why are you so good to Japan?” to which she replied “Why not?”

Of course, we all know the real reason: because there is money in blowing sunshine up the ass of people devastated by a horrific natural disaster, in an economy nearing collapse, who have been conditioned to buy whatever vacuous crap someone happens to be peddling in the corporate media. A consummate American capitalist, Germanotta saw an opportunity to personally gain from the misfortune of others. As sensible people ran away from the global catastrophe unfolding at Fukushima, she rushed in to fill the void—and her pockets—via a carefully crafted and borderline criminal public relations stunt.

For her “effort,” the Japanese government presented Germanotta with a certificate of appreciation, no doubt in recognition of her surreptitious support for the Japanese tourism industry. Less than four months later, the Japan Tourism Agency announced the Fly to Japan! Project! [sic], which would have given away 10,000 round-trip air tickets to Japan if it hadn’t been cancelled two months later due to lack of interest (the Japanese government claims it was cancelled because of budgetary concerns). I wonder where the nearly $1.5 million donated to Japan from the “Pray for Japan” bracelet sales actually went? Couldn’t they have covered some or all of the cost of those tickets? That paltry sum doesn’t even come close to making a dent in reconstruction costs, estimated to be upwards of $185 trillion. In fact, I suspect she has much more than $1.5 million hidden in her offshore bank accounts.

Back to those bracelets: Germanotta and the companies involved in making them were promptly sued in 2011 because their claim that all proceeds went to Japan turned out to be a lie. In October 2012, a Michigan judge ordered them to pay a $107,000 settlement to defendants in the class action lawsuit. Like Wall Street bankers, corporations and rich people who pay their way out of trouble, she never had to admit culpability or even apologize. See how much she loves Japan?

Asking people to pray for Japan is as effective as asking them to fart for Japan. Encouraging wish-thinking as a solution to real problems is irresponsible and ineffective, to say the least. Japan doesn’t need prayers anymore than it needs an egocentric blowhard shaking her ass on stage in front of cameras. Is no one else disgusted and outraged by how this walking talking fraud has insinuated herself into the worst natural disaster and man-made fuck up since the age of fossil fuels began?!

It’s not her fault, though. She was probably just born that way.